Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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