She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
