I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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