I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
