Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
