my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
