He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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