Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize