White coat. Heels.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
