apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I look better un-naked...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
