How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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