At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
