Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't shave. On purpose
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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