I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
