Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
