so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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