What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
