We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
