I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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