Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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