I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
