This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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