i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
