i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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