Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
