she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
