I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
