I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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