What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
