Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
