So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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