That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
