Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
