Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
