hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
