got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
