corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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