It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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