don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
