you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize