so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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