He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
