Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
