Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
