He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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