I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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