my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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