Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize