apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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