if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
