im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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