I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
PANTIES FOUND
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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