You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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