I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
