not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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