Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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