Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk is a universal language darling
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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