I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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