A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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