i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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