There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
