He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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