I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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