Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
