Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm both gender and math confused
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
