She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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