Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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