hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
