i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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