I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
