wakey wakey hands off snakey
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
