I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
