So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
