We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
