I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
