I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
