So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
