I want to make a zoo with you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
