dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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