I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
