If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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