Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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