wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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