Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
