Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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