I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
